Who Am I Now?

For the last maybe year and a half? I’ve been trying to find that person I was before kids. Before the easy-comfy-mum wardrobe kicked in, before 6am was wake up rather than bed time.

I longed to find that person again, she was confident, impulsive, head strong, carefree. She’d accessorize her outfit, she wore heels and she shaved her legs far more regularly.

It’s finally dawned on me, I will never find that person again.
Not because having kids means you become somebody different or because having kids makes you boring or the opposite of any of the qualities I listed above.
But because that girl, was just that; A girl.
Jeez, I was 21 when I gave birth to my eldest. No wonder I have no idea who that person is now. At nearly 30, I definitely don’t want to be my 21 year old self. My God, I had fun and have zillions of memories of that carefree life but I wouldn’t want to be that girl again.

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It dawned on me though,as approach 30, that I don’t really know who thirty-year-old-Nat is. I spent my entire 20s, almost, being a mother. I’ve been self-employed and worked in a small, family office or from home for almost 8 years. I don’t have a Work-Natalie and a Mummy-Natalie.  They’re the same person, juxtaposed together and trying to balance it all.

Before I turn 30 I  aim to try and establish who I am now, aside from the mother title. One thing I do know is that I no longer wish to be that girl before I had kids. She wasn’t the same person I am now. Stronger, smarter, wiser.

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